Being Haunted
Last night I slept deeply and fully, dreaming of Emily yet again. It seems I've dreamed of her a few times over the course of the last month. I don't know why she comes up as the subject of my dreams from time to time, only that she does and it never seems to be a dull experience. I guess she's one of those people who left a lasting impression on me while we were together... no, she definately left a lasting impression on me without a doubt.
I dreampt that I was trying to find her and the phone number I had no longer worked. As it happened I was walking down the street, a street not unlike the Delmar Loop, when I passed a familiar face. It was TJ, a guy whom Emily had dated before me and eventually left him and started dating me. He made a wisecracking comment and I, being the bigger man, just asked how he'd been all these years. He said fine and asked what I was doing, which I explained I was trying to figure out how to get ahold of Emily. He then gave me a number to call, upon hearing it I asked how he had a working number. At this point the dream became something of a mystery and it seemed I was the only one left out of the loop, waiting for the big reveal to find out what was going on.
He said to just follow him because he knew where she was, so I did. I followed him to her apartment, to find her with a kid, his kid. It came to my realization as I saw the smirking look on his face that after Emily and I broke up she went back to him and they had a lengthy relationship ending with a kid... and somehow I didn't know, not like I had any reason to know, but it was still such a shock. Thats where the dream ended, with the big reveal. Now I know in reality this didn't happen, she left me for a guy she worked with, then left him for a guy she had been friends with since highschool and now they are married.
Doesn't change the fact that the last time I spoke to her (in real life) she said that of all her lovers, she felt I was the one she hurt the most and was sometimes plagued with dreams of her begging for my forgiveness only to be turned away and ultimately feeling like something less than herself because I wouldn't forgive her. The irony is that all the time after our breakup I felt like I was the one who owed her the apology and should be asking for forgiveness. Its a strange strange world and I wonder why things like this happen.
I dreampt that I was trying to find her and the phone number I had no longer worked. As it happened I was walking down the street, a street not unlike the Delmar Loop, when I passed a familiar face. It was TJ, a guy whom Emily had dated before me and eventually left him and started dating me. He made a wisecracking comment and I, being the bigger man, just asked how he'd been all these years. He said fine and asked what I was doing, which I explained I was trying to figure out how to get ahold of Emily. He then gave me a number to call, upon hearing it I asked how he had a working number. At this point the dream became something of a mystery and it seemed I was the only one left out of the loop, waiting for the big reveal to find out what was going on.
He said to just follow him because he knew where she was, so I did. I followed him to her apartment, to find her with a kid, his kid. It came to my realization as I saw the smirking look on his face that after Emily and I broke up she went back to him and they had a lengthy relationship ending with a kid... and somehow I didn't know, not like I had any reason to know, but it was still such a shock. Thats where the dream ended, with the big reveal. Now I know in reality this didn't happen, she left me for a guy she worked with, then left him for a guy she had been friends with since highschool and now they are married.
Doesn't change the fact that the last time I spoke to her (in real life) she said that of all her lovers, she felt I was the one she hurt the most and was sometimes plagued with dreams of her begging for my forgiveness only to be turned away and ultimately feeling like something less than herself because I wouldn't forgive her. The irony is that all the time after our breakup I felt like I was the one who owed her the apology and should be asking for forgiveness. Its a strange strange world and I wonder why things like this happen.
posted by Sean at Wednesday, October 11, 2006
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