Permanent days unmoving

Well theres another birthday in the record books, but it didnt feel much like a birthday. It felt like the same old weds that come to pass every week. Nothing out of the ordinary, just work, school, home. The urge to skipp school tonight was overwhelming, but it wasn't like I had anywhere to go. I watched the Cardinals lose, ordered a pizza and flipped channels. Things are so quiet around here with my sister gone, everything feels off.

So tonight Im just falling asleep here in front of my computer. Every year my birthday comes around it's like, time for self analysis. Where am I currently in the five year plan? Currently I think Im two years overdue for anything I was supposed to be doing with my life. Am I any closer to happiness or independence than I was a year ago. It doesn't feel like it. Maybe only in the grand scheme of things I gained some more college credit and are closer to graduating. But in terms of fullfillment and fruition, I can't see any improvement. Not much to show for the past year of my life.

I'm listening to sad mushy music and looking through my folders at pictures. Pictures of people and places and important faces. People I loved and friends that changed me forever. Faces that Ill never forget and some that I wish I could forget alltogether. Things that were important to me at one time, but looking back I can't see how. Newer pictures that stir memories I don' t want. Sentimental snapshots taken without notice that capture some sort of unspoken understanding.

It's late, and I need to go to bed.