In the fade

I guess you could say I'm in the fade right now, I'm waiting, I'm expecting, I'm anticipating. Beth is coming to pick me up soon, and we'll get Matthew, and then we'll go to Gump's house. She's our designated driver, but I don't plan on having another bad new years because of too much drinking and the chemical cocktail of an emotional overload. I mean shit, there's going to be enough drama there tonight. At least if it goes south I can just saying I'm riding with Beth.

She just called and said she'd be here in like 15 minutes. I guess we'll see what goes on tonight. I'm not real thrilled about the gathering tonight and part of me just thinks, why not stay home, it's a night just like any other. Avoid the drama, you know it's going to happen. Don't jump out of the frying pan and into the fire. Why willingly go headfirst into what will no-doubtedly become trouble.

Whatever you do, don't tell anyone.

Sucky weather

Today I got up late, I was supposed to go to the art musuem but no one woke me up. So I just sat around today feeling generally...I don't know- wishy-washy, sleepy, complacent, lethargic, little motivation to do anything... And I'm not sick, not physically sick at least. I blame it on the weather, its gray outside and spitting rain, breezy and cold. Like the environmental equivilent of how I feel right now. I could just go to bed and sleep, sleep, sleep the day away.

I'm going to Gary's tonight, and Matthew is coming. I don't know who else or what we're going to do, but it gets me out of the house. We were supposed to practice tonight but Tim pulled a "Gary" and cancelled practice because he's going to Chicago for New Years. Tim tried to clarify that if he pulled a true "Gary" he would have called 15 minutes before practice, after he'd gotten to Chicago and then told us we're not playing- well met Tim, well met.

I like read good

I'm fairly certain we've got a show scheduled in January, and I'm thinking its the 18th but I can't remember. I dont think Gary has updated the page yet so I just don't know. I do know its at the Way Out Club on Jefferson, and I'm about 50% sure we're playing with another band. What I do know is that we're going to play our first cover ever, ever as in the 8+ years Tim, Gary and myself have been jamming. We're going to be playing Dead Leaves and A Dirty Ground by the White Stripes. It's going to rock!

I got my Xbox Live hooked up yesterday and it fucking rules! I've been playing a lot of Halo 2 since last night and it is so much goddamn fun I don't want to go to work. After all that work or buying/installing a router and running cables and drilling holes I'm glad it worked, otherwise I'd track down Bill Gates and kill him.

I got some good books for Christmas too:

What is up?

What is up with this weather? I left the house today with my scarf and gloves expectiong bitter cold and howling winds; it is after all December. And it's like 60 degrees outside now! There should be snow on the ground and hot chocolate in my hand. The weather needs to act like normal. It's probably El Nino's fault.

I bought a router yesterday to wire a network into my house, mainly for the purpose of hooking up my xbox to xbox live. So now I've got about 25 feet of cat-5 ethernet cable I'm going to run from my basement computer room, up through the floor and into my room. Let me be more specific- I'm going to drill some holes in the floor... I hope all this works...

Dreams on the Eve

I had a very vivid and strange dream last night about this girl Christy who I go to school with. I've know her for like a year and we've had classes together and we see each other every now and then at school. We met in an Astronomy class last fall, and we always sat together and chatted it up about all kinds of weird things. She's really cute, but she's dating someone and he's in a band too.

Anyhow, I dreampt that we got together and started dating, and I could remember feelings I haven't felt in years. It was like falling back in step with something you've done a thousand times before, but haven't partaken in for years. Like riding a bike maybe, except going straight to the good part of the relationship where you both know each others every waking thought. Where you know that you can't do any wrong as long as you just be yourself, and they love you for that and that alone. That kind of unknown bond that hovers over you just enough that you feel perfectly content just being in the same room with that person, and can tell exactly what they are thinking by just one blink of her perfect eyes. It's the undocumented perfection of two spirits becoming one that everyone really wants deep down inside and can't quite describe what it is they want and can never be fully brought to fruition through mere words. Thats what I felt in that dream. A long lost longing for love that I'd experienced before.

I even woke up in the early morning and went to the bathroom, and when I went back to bed I thought, "I have to call her when I get up" not to tell her this story but because I thought the dream was real. A dream come true, a love come true. That's the kind of vivid this dream was. Sleep giveth and sleep taketh away.

Merry Christmas

Birthdays

I have a bunch of friends whose birthdays fall all around Christmas. Last night was Mike Ade's party, tonight is Gump's party, if John is having one I don't know yet, is Mangiore is having one I probably won't be invited, and I'm thinking theres other birthdays too. Either way last night was a ton of fun, and so here are some pictures I stole from Beth's blog! Go over to Beth's blog for some other pictures, like one of Gump looking like he just crapped himself...


Gump does his birthday duty...Ha Ha I said duty!

This is clearly a good time, look at those smiles...sorta smiles...

Obviously at the start of the evening

Last minute scrambling

Well the break is finally here and it's about goddamn time. Tonight we're going to the Zone for Mike Ade's birthday, and by we I mean everyone. That means Mike, and I hope we're cool enough to drink together for the evening and not do anything uncalled for. I know Matthew and Gump will be there, but I don't know about Gary- I delivered the package to his mom last night so we may not see him until spring- unless his Xbox explodes- or they recall that shit which I hear they are going to do in January.

Tommorow I have to get my oil changed, and have an appointment at 11:30 over at the Chrysler dealer. My car came with 3 years of free oil changes, sweet shit. Then I think I'm taking Laura shopping for her boyfriend. I told her to buy him some bullets because he likes to hunt and shoot rifle. That would be a great gift!

360

I bought an Xbox 360 today but it's not for me. I bought it for Gary because they are incredibly hard to find, and I was offered one at the store I was at. But now I keep debating if I should keep it for myself, it is an Xbox 360 after all... However I don't think I can afford a $430 bill on my credit card right now, so it's probably best if I just give it to Garr's mom like he asked and get my money. That and I hear they overheat so bad they catch fire or something... But that's what friends are for. I'm the go-to-guy when it comes to acquiring hard to find shit. Merry Christmas for Gary.

Back in the real world where I buy things I can afford, I'm taking Laura out for some last minute shopping this afternoon. We need to get a few more things for mom & dad. I got a few things for Laura last night before going over to Steak N Shake where I got to see my old pal Broddie. He's such a good guy, I was glad to catch up with him since he'd gone off to college (we worked together at Imos.) And tommorow is my last day of work before Christmas break, and I can't fucking wait to sleep in friday and relax, drink some egg nog, have family over, and enjoy the holiday. It's going to be great!

Its Cold Outside

Current thoughts: Christmas Eve is only 4 days away and I still need to get some more presents for my sister and mom. I got up at 6 am this morning to go to work because this store supposedly had 120 bikes, but when I got there they only had 40. So I got up extra early for nothing. I waited on the dock at recieving outside for 20 minutes for some overnight crew guy to let me in for nothing. I still made good money today, but I'm pretty tired now.

Thoughts of the afternoon: Krista called me today on her lunchbreak. I haven't talked to her in months, literally months, maybe 7 months. I seriously thought for a second I was hallucinating the call until I heard her voice. It was strange to here her voice again, but some people's voices you will never forget. Like they effected you so profoundly that you would be less of a person if you ever forgot.

Thoughts of the evening: I don't know if I should go shopping with my dad or go out to eat with Matthew/Gump/Beth. I told my dad I'd help him find something for my mom and I could probably get some shopping done for Mom/Laura...but then I'd need some idea of stuff to buy them. So maybe I'll go with dad and then stop by dinner, who knows.

Yummy thoughts: Matthew's mom makes the best cookies. The lethal weapon Bob Sanning married Betty Crocker.

Forthoughts

I'm having for-thoughts about Christmas, it's like the opposite of afterthoughts. And I'm thinking firstly how fast the holiday has creeped upon me this year. Because it seems like just last week it was Thanksgiving, and just two weeks ago that I was taking my sister up to school for her first college experience. And mom going in the hospital, all the schoolwork, Laura being away- I think it all helped pass the time so unknowingly that here it is just five days until Christmas eve. I'm not too worried though, I've almost got all my shopping done.

I'm also thinking about how different this new year will be. There has been some significant changes this year. Some family memebers gone, social networks severely changed, and Gary finally kicked that freeloading bitch to the curb!

How Gary Got His Swerve On

Last nights show was by far the most fun I've had on stage since the last Silent-Q show. Perhaps it was the electricty that seems to surround you when your enjoying yourself onstage, its a empowering feeling that works like a narcotic on your system to keep you jacked up. And although Gary left the show feeling like he didn't play very well, there was a overall feeling of elation that we performed so well.

Somehow Tim was like a mad pimp last night as he had three women listening to his every word. Gump said to me, "Who are those girls Tim is talking to?" and I said, "Gump, those are women, and they are friends of Tim's." I'd have thought Gump would have gone over and said hi since he's officially divorced now. But it was Gary over there getting his swerve on, lol. He had these girls laughing like mad with his Bill Cosby impression. He's one funny bastard.

I'm looking foreward to the next show, though I don't know when it is. I hear talk of a January show at the Way Out Club, but I've heard Heather talk about getting a show there for like a year now.

Its Good!

Well tonights show was unfreakin believable! Quite a dew people said it was the best show they'd seen yet and I'd have to agree. I performed much better than the last show, in fact I think I played the best show with this new band yet. I felt good from the get go and it fueled me through the show. The only downside, which is also the upside, is that Tim couldn't sing his part in No Name because he couldn't hit his notes. So Gary sang the part as Bill Cosby, which was the funniest thing any of us have ever heard. We may make it a part of the show. Goddamn, that show was sooo much fun and thats the kind of show that reminds me why we play. It fucking rocked.

Rock N Roll Hoochie Coo

Well tonights the night. Another show and I'm feeling significantly better about this one than the last one. We're going to play 2 new songs tonight, 2 very good songs. And it seems the more we write news songs the less I want to play the older ones, like JC and Light of Day and Sugar and Spice- I dont want to play those anymore because they aren't as good as the new stuff. I think we should retire those songs and only play them by request, and just never play JC again- I fucking hate that song.

My sister is back home from school and its really good to have her back. Tommorow I'm taking her out to lunch and then to do some christmas shopping. I need to get on the ball with that, I've really been slacking in the present buying this year. Although I have been busy with work and school- moreso than last year I'd say.

Going Postal

After I finished up my final exam this afternoon I stopped at the post office on the way home. Big mistake. I just wanted to get some stamps to mail my christmas cards, it was innocent enough. Apparently some people who don't understand how to operate vending machines somehow fucked up the stamp machine and the only other way to get stamps in there was to stand in a line about 20 blue haired senior citizens deep and buy em from the cashiers. I would fucking stamp my foot into some seniors ass if I had stood in line. The goddamn post office makes me flip, but then according to Tim just about anything makes me flip. But for serious, motherfucking seniors. Even if I did stand in line, the wait would probably only be long enough for 1 or 2 of them to die and not make a significant impact on line progression. I could have started yelling about how theres a sale at Dierbergs on mothballs and bengay and watched 'em stampede.

So I finally got off my ass and got the postcards written, and who knows when I'll get some stamps now. I've got 6, but I think Im probably forgetting some that I should send. I already remembered someone else I need to send one to. And I've got one I'm sending to South Korea, but I mean, what if I wrote something incorrectly. I'm seriously worried it's going to end up in the hands of some old crotchety man with bird flu and he's going to be so happy he'll write me a thank you letter with a side of bird flu.

All this anger has reminded me of a kick ass news story I heard about today. There is a guy, somewhere- I dont know where exactly- but he was tired of hearing about people complaining about lawn decorations that were too religious. You know, those fucks who demand we take the baby jesus out of the nativity display because it is aimed at one deity in particular. So he decorated his lawn with a santa scene that featured a bloody santa holding a knife carving up a baby and the lawn was covered in dismembered barbie doll apendages. No shit. Thats awsome.

No Name, sort of

Gary made this fucked up mix of No Name, he calls it the Demons in Hell with Bloody Death and Chains mix. You can try to download it from here we should have a better download soon. Just right click and save as. Its really funny, Heather sounds like a black man...LOL and Gary does "death metal vocals."

Gettin' Dark at the Studio

Seriously, yesterday was not a good day for the Darkness. That motherfucker Gary and his goddamn cats...I'm ready to personally hand em over to Jenny. On the way to the studio I started sniffling and sneezing and coughing and eyes watering when I realized there was cat hair everywhere in Gary's car. Apparently he had them in the car to go to the vet, and if I was in that car much longer you'd have to take my ass to the hospital from my lungs seizing up. That pretty much ruined my day. Once Heather took my back to my car and I got home, I took a bunch of medication but nothing helped alleviate the runny nose, itchy & watery eyes, coughing and sneezing. I couldn't do anything but just go to bed. I used to love cats, and I even had one but for some reason my allergies have kicked my ass this year when cats are around.

All I did at the studio was wait to go home, it wasn't remotely fun. But then what is when you have a constant stream of mucous draining from your face? I was in a bad mood and about the only thing that came out of my mouth besides nasal drainage was, "Fuck you Gary."

Thank God I'm back to normal today. I'm baking christmas cookies for my sister when she comes home this week. I have to get those christmas cards sent too, I've been putting that off for at least a week. And I have to get my ass in gear with that christmas shopping, but I've had my hands full with getting that stupid ass criminology paper written, but it's done now! :whew: So now I can focus on doing christmasy things this week instead of thinking of ways to convince myself of putting off writing that paper!

The Horizen has Changed

Well, the horizen has truly changed as Busch Stadium is finally gone. It's the end of an era, even though it's been over since the end of the season, but now it's really gone. I have many fond memories of Busch and the St. Louis Cardinals that almost feel like they're dying with the stadium. And the more I hear about the Cardinals organization the less I look foreward to next season. This morning I heard that Ray King, Julian Tavarez, Mark Gruidzelanik and Reggie Sanders are all gone, not coming back, not playing for the redbirds. I feel the biggest loss here was Col. Sanders, he was worth bringing back.

It's cold as a witch's tit out there, and snowing like mad to boot. It was the fastest and slowest drive to/from work today. There was no traffic on 255 and I was at work in less than 20 minutes. On the way home you couldn't even see the road because of snow and it took about an hour and a half doing something like 25 mph on the highway. I almost felt sorrow for this guy in a Trans-Am who was just spinning his wheels cause it's rear wheel drive...I guess he's a wild man, he can't drive 55.

On the up side, well not really up anything, but I met this really cool girl at work today named Colleen and it turns out we go to school together. She started laughing cause I said I was on the 8 year plan, and then said she's on the 6 1/2 year plan. We talked about school and how we both slacked off in college and what we're going for and this and that. Then later my friend Mike the Pepsi vendor comes up to me and he was like, "Who's your friend back here chatting it up?" I laughed and said she just didn't have anything better to do, but he was saying he didn't think so and she wouldn't be back there chatting with me unless she wanted to. I was thinking of a good way to invite her to our show next week, but I'm not a smooth talker like the Pepsi guy. So maybe if I'm working there next week I'll ask her. When she was signing my paperwork I was like, "Yea, my name's Sean by the way" and she says, "oh I know- everyone here knows who you are." So thats a good thing, like everyone in that store knows I'm a good guy...they can make me sound good... She's really cute.

Music News: Recording Studio on Saturday afternoon. I was thinking we should title the CD: "We Ride the Short Bus" but I don't think that work too well with Gary & Heather's work. New songs may be ready for the show next week, and they're going well. I'm feeling more confident about playing next week after practicing last night, so it'll be better than last time.

Now I'm going to shovel the driveway, but check out Steven Seagal's band, whom Gary wants to play with. It's so fucking retarded.

Soft Rock Hell

This morning I was stuck in soft rock hell. When I got to work the other people using the same workspace as me hard their radios cranked up really loud, blasting "The Arch, 106.5- Craprock." I didn't even bother to get my radio out because I knew it would be useless. So I sat through music you normally couldn't pay me to listen to, and wanted to bash my brains in by the time I was done because it was so awful. The only thing I heard that I liked was a Simon and Garfunkle song.

I started my Comparative Criminology paper last night and wrote about a page and a half. It's a case study on the national and transnational crime of South Korea. I had to pick a country, and China and Japan were off limits, so this was the next best thing. Apparently only 3% of the population identifies themselves as following Confucionism, the vast majority of the country holds true to the ideals and philosophy of it. Yea, I put that in the paper. I have to cover the demographics in social, political and cultural contexts.

I can't wait to be done with school, and with this shit job.

Gary the retard

I have to write a research paper for my comparative criminology class and I've been putting it off. It's due next monday and I haven't even started it, but thats ok. I'm a master of B.S. But right now what I'd like to be doing is practicing, but Gary cancelled practice cause he said he wasn't feeling well. But apparently he's feeling well enough to have people over for a gathering. I hope he gets the bird flu.

Kung Fu Highschool

My good pal John has been trying to get me to read this book called Kung Fu Highschool for months I would guess, and we kept missing each other at group functions and weren't able to hook up so he could give me this book until last weds at his party. I started reading it before class monday and immediately became addicted to this book. In tuesday's cinema class I was reading this book instead of watching the film. Yesterday instead if trying to sleep in my car between class I was reading page after page of this book in my car. Last night I was up past midnight reading for almost 3 hours to finish the book, it got to a point where everything had escalated and I wouldn't be able to sleep without finishing it. It was the kind of book I felt myself actually care about what happened to the characters and couldn't stop reading. Though I was somewhat let down by the ending, it was a phenomenal book. I haven't had something good to read in awhile and I tore right through this one. I hope John has some other good reccomendations for me.